Several years ago I was talking to a friend who also paints and she said she had a wonderful idea for a painting. Unfortunately I picked up her mental image of laughing clowns - too late! We agreed that I would leave her idea alone, so it had a couple of years to ferment before I could go ahead with it. That empty black laughing scream - it's just too perfect. Such metaphor!

I took a trip to the Royal Show for the first painting in 2000, where I also found the dressed-up clowns and that sinister arm, in reality right alongside the child's head, but the painting I'm happiest with is One Clown, Laughing, with the gaping scream stretched and split over a black void, surrounded by kitsch teddy bears.

Although I used the male clown again in 2001, that painting was all a bit too 'made up', as was the Laughing Clowns and Child, and I've since given up on the whole idea. I was just copying myself when I'd run out of ideas. Also, the actual clowns' faces are now painted differently, with more of an attempt at cheerfulness.

Also, the whole idea had become trite.

And now, in 2005, having written all that a while ago, I've used them again.